Psycho-Rawr

I have a really cool project idea but i think if i do it a lot of people would be mad at me and disapprove. Even mom. I need something to do. ;0;

I wanted to write like a WHOLe journal but it's late and i'm tired so lets settle for this. IM DEPRESSED. Life is punching me in the gut and i know i could punch back but i lost my strenght. I'll be here, just not mentaly. I'm checking out, dunno for how long...

Chris saiods i shouol write a journla. Here you gop.

I wonder if depression is known to pass through family becuase I know a line of family members that have it. Even if not I feel like it's creeping in. Sometimes I feel my heart clench for no reason, not like a sharp pain but like heartache. I had a friend I had a crush on, which i have finally gotten over, though she is still a DEEP friend. A great moirail to me. But I still wish I had someone to cuddle me, tell me I'm special, and just make me feel like they need me. Because i sure as hell need them, that special someone. And I don't understand why, maybe I've been let down a lot, my friends all get boyfriends. All I have is friendship but how can i compete with there matesprits? I can't, so I feel like I'm not nearly as important and then the thing I cherish most, friendship, is not as important to them, there priorites are elsewhere. It makes me both pissed and horribly sad. Don't forget lonely. I know i can't be pissed at them, they're still my friends but i can't help it. It's okay, i'm angry at myself too. I hate listening to songs that remind me of how pathetic i am, whatever. BYE.

I know I have a lot of feelings, more than I truely want, believe me, but I'm seriously glad to have mostly healthy ways to vent. I mean seriously. I'm glad I can draw, and even write little fic's. It's something we forget we have and we should really use and get into more often.Yeah sometimes it frustrates me to draw and it doesn't help but i can take that out on the page! Lately I get really horrible feelings outta the blue, but i try picking up a sketch page or notebook and scribble on. I don't want to hurt myself or others when i feel horrible, though i have been tempted in both areas but i stop myself, but for as long as i can use my common sense and listen to my conscience I won't do that. So I feel i should impart with something like this before i go to bed. Pick up that writing utensil and get to drawing or writing, heck do whatever you can! SING, even if your not too good, like that matters, I just want you guys to know there are safer ways to kill bad feelings, ok? I'm sorry, I'll go to bed for I confuse you. NITE.